The fear and chaos of the COVID-19 pandemic kept us more than 6 feet apart.
It fractured relationships and splintered once close-knit families. It replaced friendly neighbourhood conversations with resentful glares of judgement and suspicion. As the threat level subsides and we look around at the fallout, it is reasonable to wonder, “How can we ever come together?”
The first article of this series “Trauma & Covid-19: Our collective road to recovery” detailed the psychological impact of the pandemic and the stages we, as a community, would have to navigate in the healing process. In this, Stage 3, of trauma recovery we will need to find ways to reconnect with one another in ways that allow each of us to feel safe and hopeful.
As you read, if you have questions or would like to connect with Bonnie for counselling availability, please reach out here.
Some have referred to this as establishing a “new normal”.
Reconnection can feel like a positive experience, it is by no means a simple feat. While our brains can adjust quickly when our sense of safety and security is threatened, it takes much longer to re-adjust as things settle.
This can be seen in the response to recent adjustments to community mask mandates and other restrictions. While many communities have removed the requirement for mask wearing in public spaces, a large majority of people continue to wear masks voluntarily. Likewise, as more employers recall workers to their office locations, many are facing hesitation and even refusals from employees who do not yet feel safe enough to return.
Each of these examples tells us that reconnecting with our lives and each other is not about doing what we used to do.
It is about feeling how we used to feel. Confident. Resilient. Safe.
So how do we make each other feel safe?
Safety comes with transparency, predictability and removing the things that get in the way of these. To heal as a community we must be willing to take steps as individuals using our voices, our skills and our compassion for one another.
Be curious
The most powerful tool we have as individuals is our curiosity. Curiosity opens us up.
It encourages us to listen and helps us take a position of understanding with each other. When we are curious we cannot be angry. When we are curious we cannot be judgemental. Curiosity tells us to ask why?
- Why might someone do what they do?
- What might someone be feeling?
- Why might someone be so afraid?
Curiosity rescues us from the toxic sting of our most negative emotions - anger, resentment and contempt. Curiosity also helps to create a sense of safety in others. Imagine if someone asked you why you are worried instead of telling you that there was nothing to worry about. How would it change the way you feel and respond?
For most, being asked feels safer that being told. We feel seen and heard and cared for even if the inquiry comes from a stranger. So next time you feel offended, upset or annoyed at someone's behaviour take a deep breath and simply ask a compassionate “Why?”
Build your resilience
Another powerful tool we have in our collective arsenal is the ability to take care of ourselves.
The pandemic was the center of our attention for more than 2 years, keeping our nervous systems in overdrive. We may need just as long to recover and re-establish a workable baseline. Where possible take rest. Even an hour more of sleep each night can make drastic changes in our cognitive and physical abilities.
Examine what helped you cope over the last 2 years and consider whether or not the strategies you use to manage might be compromising you in other ways. An increasing body of research has noted a sizable increase in alcohol and marijuana sales throughout the pandemic, creating concerns about the long term mental health impact of substance use. Taking care of our own body and mind allows us to better regulate our emotions, making us less reactive to those around us.
As a species, human beings are able to co-regulate meaning the calmer the people around us, the calmer we become.
Lend a hand to someone in need
Nothing alleviated stress and overwhelm like helping each other.
During times of difficulty or concern, think of ways you can make an impact on those around you. Perhaps you check in on a family member you haven't seen in a while or send a thank you note to someone who helped you through a tough time. Gestures don’t have to be large to be meaningful. If you are unsure of what to do, reach out to a local shelter or volunteer organisation who can identify specific needs in your community. Helping others allows us to see how valuable we are and re-affirms that we all have something to offer to the collective good.
We cannot list all of the ways we can support reconnection, but here are a few honourable mentions:
- Say “I’m Sorry” - We all have pandemic regrets. Make now the time to take responsibility and make amends for the ways you may have gone too far.
- List your gratitudes - Every morning start the day reflecting on what you are grateful for. Like curiosity, gratitude is a superpower of a resilient mind.
- Set new goals - Give yourself something to look forward to. Set goals on your own or with your family.
- Re-capture a missed celebration - If COVID restrictions de-railed a special moment for yourself or someone you love, plan a celebration to honour that occasion (in a way that feels safe to you and your loved ones).
After all we have been through, reconnection may not come easy but if we each commit to taking our own small steps it won’t be long before our communities are once again thriving and moving forward.
Stay tuned for our next installment, “From Restructions to Resurgence: the Post-Covid Role of Business and Community Organizations” where we explore the role businesses and organizations can play in our collective re-building.
Read Part 1 of this series here: Trauma & COVID 19: Our collective road to recovery
Looking for more ways to manage your mental health at home? Visit our blog for more helpful tips and strategies to manage the stressors of everyday life!
Bonnie J. Skinner is a Registered Psychotherapist and Certified Canadian Counsellor. Having developed her career in community based mental health across Canada, Bonnie now owns and operates a practice in Sault Ste Marie, Ontario where she helps individuals, couples , families and organizations overcome obstacles to their chosen goals. Learn more at www.skinnerpsychotherapy.com.